On the Road to Hell

Yes, I teach.  But I sure as hell don't understand the vast majority of teachers.  Probably never will.

Modern teaching is the queerest of careers. Knowledge and expertise are not only unimportant, they are constantly and continuously degraded by those who are supposedly the masters of the field.  (But that's another post.)  Teaching is the only subject where it is better to care about the job rather than do the job well.  Just as long as a teacher cares about little Johnny, it doesn't matter whether she teaches him to read or do math or the contents of the Bill of Rights.

My question is:  Which will be important for Johnny twenty years from now?  Knowing how to read, or having vague memories of someone who cared about him 12 years ago? 

When you come right down to it doesn't teaching Johnny how to do math show that you care? Doesn't teaching Johnny how to behave in civilized society show that you care?  Doesn't making sure he has the tools to live the life he wants a demonstration of love?  One that is much, much more powerful than a few dozen smiles and hugs?

Think about this the next time you tell a teacher she's mean, or strict, or demanding.  Think about the fact she sees her students not as they are today but how they will be twenty years in the future.  Think about the multitude of ways people show one another they care.

Think about it.

Stranger in a Strange Land

My teaching career has not been an easy one.  Rather than a smooth superhighway of success and growth, mine looks more like a heavily rutted logging track.  My supervisors pick on me regularly, while at the same time parents and their children love my work. 

We cherish the individuality of our students, why can't we do the same for teachers?

My supervisors expect me to fit into a very specific mold.  I'm not suppose to require all the students to pay attention.  I'm not supposed to care when students break my rules.  (In fact it would be better if I didn't have rules at all.) I'm not supposed to give consequences when students misbehave.  I'm not supposed to require all the students to participate in class (in other words, do the work) if they don't want to.  I'm not supposed to ask for silence before giving instructions.  I'm not supposed to restrict the bathroom privileges for older (grade 3 and up) students.  I'm not supposed to give students suggests on how their work could be better.

You know what?  Doing all of these things makes me a great teacher.  I am honest with my students, and I take pride in that honesty.  If something is not right, be it academic work, or behavior, we work on making it better.  My goal is to teach students, not to entertain them.  I know why my methods of instruction work and the science they are rooted in.  The love I have for my students is demonstrated with congratulating their accomplishments and challenging them to strive for excellence.

Parents love this.  After school I tutor students privately, and each year I receive more and more requests for lessons.  In the past week alone, I have added six new students.  It has become quite the contortionist act to schedule them all.  I do no advertising, all of these after school clients come from word-of-mouth referrals.  Some of them don't need tutoring any more, but continue on anyway.  When I ask why, they say that they really enjoy how I teach and what they learn.

But because I don't look like the other classroom teachers, I am somehow deficient.  I should use the crappy materials "because the kids like it."  I should let the kids do what they please "because otherwise they will feel stressed."  Every time I try to explain what I'm doing and why, I am shouted down.  Every time I point out the disconnect between their requests and what my private clients say, I am shouted down.  Every time I show these supervisors the accomplishments of my students, they are dismissed out-of-hand and then I'm shouted down.

I'm an intellectual drowning in anti-intellectual flood.  Somehow I must keep swimming.  Sometimes I feel like Hamlet, only I'm not questioning my continued existence.  I'm questioning whether I should hold to my ideals.  I take solace in these guys.

“Great spirits have always encountered violent opposition from mediocre minds." -- Albert Einstein.

“Is it so bad, then, to be misunderstood? Pythagoras was misunderstood, and Socrates, and Jesus, and Luther, and Copernicus, and Galileo, and Newton, and every pure and wise spirit that ever took flesh. To be great is to be misunderstood.”  -- Ralph Waldo Emerson.

Extra Credit Bonus - Boredom

Courtesy of the Core Knowledge Blog, it's a two post Friday.  Got to keep it short though, because my tendonitis is acting up and touch typing is painful.

Mark Bauerlein, in the role of guest blogger, tackles a facet of student boredom in school.  And does it quite well, pointing out that when high school students start whining about boredom adults step in and try to alleviate it.  But if you are bored with university level work, professors don't give a rat's ass.  Ultimately, it is students who must be able to handle boredom and deal with it themselves without outside intervention.

Unfortunately, Mr. Bauerlein does not follow his train of thought through to its logical conclusion.  Children in elementary school need to learn, must learn the fact, that the GREAT MAJORITY OF LIFE IS MIND-NUMBINGLY BORING!  No one was put on this earth to entertain you.  You are not the center of the universe; your every whim will not be catered to.  Your boredom is way down our list of priorities, somewhere after, "Did I eat enough garlic today?"  That's part of the point of going to school in the first place, learning to get along with other people and to learn how to delay gratification.

Tough cookies if your teacher makes you read books without pictures, or forces you to complete the entire sheet of 30 multiplication problems before you go out to recess.  Responsible members of civilization get their work done before they seek out entertainment because if they don't, entertainment will quickly become impossible to obtain.

Your teacher is making you read 19th century poetry and solve algebraic equations, what possible use could this be?  Well, after you fail to make the NBA or found the next Facebook or win the lottery you may need to get a real job.  You may need to understand how humans think and/or the logic of computers.  You may need to talk to your bosses about what interests them, and it probably won't be the Kardashians or Grand Theft Auto V.  You have no idea what your future holds, and neither do your teachers.  But what your teachers do know is the body of knowledge that has allowed millions of people to lead successful lives in thousands of different professions.  Your teacher lives in a world you can only guess at, and knows how to be successful there.  That world contains 19th century poetry, algebra, history, biology and, you guessed it, boredom.


Children can and should learn how to deal with boredom, and they should do it at a young age.  High school and college are far too late.  By then their transformation to narcissistic, spoiled brats is complete and nothing will be able change them.

What's Wrong with American Education - Reason #457392

"I don't want students to know what they're learning."

Believe it or not, I've heard this sentence more than once, from more than one teacher.  Every time I do, it leaves me apoplectic.  Why on God's green earth do you not want your students to know what they are learning?  Is there some contagious disease that comes with knowledge and understanding?

If you do not tell your students what they are learning, then you are not teaching.

In other words, doing is not teaching.  (Neither is telling, but that's another post.)  Doing is just doing.  Doing an activity does not confer understanding on its participants.  Understanding is the key to both teaching and learning.  Teachers break down a subject and present it (through a variety of means) so students can understand it.  Certainly doing, or practicing, is a part of the learning process, but there is much more to it.  There is vocabulary, identification, reasoning, relationships, discovery, etc.   If I want a class to learn steady beat, we will practice it constantly and in a variety of settings.  But we will also define the words "steady" and "beat."  We will listen to pieces with and without a steady beat.   The students would learn to recognize a steady beat in music they hear.  We will explore the connection between beat and tempo; and when the beat changes on purpose.  We will answer the question: Why does music have a beat? 

Anyone can train a monkey to keep a steady beat.  But, aside imitating a human, the monkey has not learned anything.  Surely we should strive for more when teaching our children.

The First Day of Faculty In-Service

All right, hello, nice to see you all. Welcome to Hillsdale Equality, Learning, and Leadership Academy. As the more perceptive of you may have noticed, I am the principal but you can call me John if you like. We try to keep things informal as well as informational here. That's just a little joke. You're all here for the next 10 months, which seems like an eternity, so you'll get to know everyone pretty well by the end. But for now I'm going have to split everyone up into groups.

Question. No, you may not use the toilet. If you had read your handbook carefully, as I requested, you would have seen that there is no relief for faculty between nine and noon, what I like to call Prime Time Learning. Plan ahead next time. You expect this of your students, so I will hold you to the same standard. That's only fair, isn't it?

Right then, let's split you up. Say, can you hear me at the back? This thing always shorts out when I use it. Yes, you can? Good.

Substitutes, absentee reserve teachers, guest teachers: You can go now. If we want you, we'll call. But you should know, the administrative team has prohibited faculty illness for the months of August, September, October, November, December, January, February, March, April, May and June.

Alumni of Stanford Education School and Columbia Teacher's College: We are so lucky you have chosen to work at our humble campus! Please, take a pew up front, you are all invited to lunch with me at The Palm. Did you know I graduated from the Stanford with a master's in Educational Leadership?

Teachers who want to get out of the classroom as soon as possible: My God there's a lot of you. Let's split you up into Teacher for America members and everyone else. TFA-ers, go join Michelle over there, on the right. She will introduce you to TFA's regulations and culture. Remember all school activities are required; you must attend TFA functions on your own time, not the school's. Young non-TFA-ers, sit behind the Stanford and Columbia graduates. Get to know each other, networking is so important in this business. Old non-TFA-ers, take a chair in the back and stay quiet, nobody cares about you.

Art, music, drama, shop, P.E. and foreign language teachers: Enrollment is up so we don't have enough classroom space this year. You can share the three quonset huts behind the stadium. Because all administrators are getting 20% raises this year, we cannot give you any money for supplies or equipment. As I'm sure you are well aware, fundraisers and donations for specific programs are strictly prohibited. Rest assured though, I love and support all of your subjects and believe them to be an important part of a well-rounded education.

Computer teachers and IT specialists: Here are the latest catalogues from Apple, Microsoft, Google, SmartTech, and Samsung. Order whatever you'd like. We want to build our reputation as a cutting edge, computer oriented, and technology forward school.

Special ed teachers, aides, assistants, therapists, tutors: On the back wall you will find a list of who will be working with us this year. I know I said enrollment is up, especially special needs students, but we want to be inclusive to all students. The administrative team has decided all special needs students will be mainstreamed in every subject regardless of disability. Now those of you who are staying, sit next to the technology department to get your equipment orders in. Don't worry about the cost, your budget was tripled over the summer.

Rookies, interns, non-credentialed teachers: You have each been assigned the smallest classrooms we could find. As per handbook rules, you are not allowed to leave you classroom during the school day or speak with any veteran teachers from any school at any time for any reason. Call the office if you need help, but remember we are very busy people and may not always be available to assist you.

Student teachers: Will not be with us for another month or two. Their universities' have added extra required classes, which must be completed before they join us.

Trapped veteran teachers: Join the old burn outs in the back. You know nothing about education theory, pedagogical best practices, or child development. Only recent ed school graduates have the suitable training to properly teach children. You are welcome to make an appointment to meet with me individually and I will pretend to listen, nod, smile absently, spout soothing platitudes, lecture you on my highly-insightful career, and ignore everything you say.

Everyone settled? Excellent! There has been a lot of talk about professional development and I want to clarify a few items. I hardly need tell you teachers must be life long learners, so we are expanding our professional development offerings to you. These are required events, and all faculty must attend every minute of every session, even those not specific to your teaching assignment. Remember good ideas can be found everywhere, if you just look hard enough, you'll find them. All professional development sessions will be held here on campus and are carefully selected by the administrative team. Do not bring anything to professional development sessions, those who are found to be multi-tasking will be severely reprimanded. If you want to go to an off-campus workshop, seminar, or conference, you will have to get my approval, prove that student learning will not be effected by your absence and pay for all expenses yourself. Columbia and Stanford alumni, there are a lot great outside offerings I want to you to pursue; we will talk further about this over lunch.

Don't be afraid to stop by my office to chat, but try to avoid lunch, recess, after school, or any time that I'm busy. I have to go now; Pam here will give you class schedules. And rosters, and calendars, and books, and manipulatives, and scripts. Then Dave will review the faculty handbook, which you've already read. Tomorrow we will begin the new professional development program with an all day seminar.

Bye now. Sorry I can't stay. My driver is waiting to take me to the board retreat. Remember we're here for the children!

[Thank you to Rowan Atkinson and Mr. Teachbad for their inspiration.]